Let’s Talk

What Do I Say Exactly . . . to be a Repairer
of the Breach? Part 4

Q. You’ve talked recently about being repairers of the breach. Would you share more examples of what this looks like?

A. Let’s Talk! Reconciliation is a big subject for any time of the year, but the broken places seem to show up even more during the holidays. If you pray, think about asking for wisdom for what exactly to say and what not to say to others.

You might also want to choose to respond and not to react to difficult people or difficult subjects. When we react, we get defensive and start unraveling. Whereas, if we choose a response that is measured, fair, and truthful—and spoken in love—repair and restoration have a presence.

Walking away or physically removing yourself from a verbal conflict is often a good choice too. It can be a strong message, not a sign of weakness. For years I have shared with small children that if they are in a pressured situation, it’s okay to just turn and walk away. One doesn’t have to say a word, or if that feels awkward, say, “excuse me” as you leave.

Many times we wait for the “someone” who has been “most at fault” to initiate forgiveness. But, consider this: who is in the stronger position to initiate forgiveness? Maybe it’s you. The stronger, the more mature one can start the conversation!

For Deeper Reflection

James 1: 5 and 19 “But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him . . . . everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger.”
Proverbs 16:7 “When a man’s ways please the LORD, He makes even his enemies to be at peace with him.”

Helen B. McIntosh has a doctorate in counseling psychology and is a national board certified professional counselor and certified in reality therapy. An educator for 19 years, Dr. McIntosh is an author, a highly demanded national speaker and inventor of the Peace Rug®, an international curriculum for conflict resolution.
You can contact me confidentially at DrHelen@braveandresilient.com


  1. Katherine Huske says

    Perfect timing for this message!!!!

  2. Thanks for the reminder that what we DON’T say can be even more effective than what we DO! (Especially concerning the “election breach.” )

  3. Lynda Elliott says

    Hi Helen,

    I’ve thought of you often lately. I hope all is well with you and your family. We are fine and Seth is graduating from Dallas Baptist U in 10 days…..a conquering follow-up to cancer!! Even a semester early. He was interviewed for FCA recently. You can see the interview on http://www.fca.com and it is this fall issue called The Heart of An Athlete. I love you and would love for you to send an update. Same email.

    • my dear Lynda – what joyous news about your Seth! You are a true LIFE coach for him, breathing life and hope – with fruit of the Spirit hanging everywhere! Love you, Helen