Let’s Talk

Double Bind

Q. You explained why changes are so difficult. So why make changes at all?

A. Let’s Talk! Thankfully there are areas of our life that don’t require change. But, for the areas that need change – and we don’t make those needed changes – it is called insanity. Seriously, the much-acclaimed definition of insanity is repeating the same old behaviors but expecting different results.

In other words, if you do “same old, same old,” you will get “same old, same old.” For there to be a different outcome, one of the variables must change. Ouch! Not fun! An example of a double bind is: it feels difficult to make a change, but it feels bad not to change. This is also called stuck.

Your needed changes may come in the areas of buying a different home or home repair or the relationships inside your home. It may be changing jobs or changes in your routine. Maybe your changes are even more personal. If you are a list-maker, this would be a good time to write down those pros and cons concerning your needed changes and begin to sort out the problem. Next, you may want to process your changes with a trusted friend or counselor.

You will want to listen to your heart as well. What do you have the most peace about as you change various things in your life? Peace is a great directional indicator!

For Deeper Reflection

1 Corinthians 14:33 “for God is not a God of confusion but of peace…”

 Isaiah 54:10 “For the mountains may be removed and the hills may shake, but My lovingkindness will not be removed from you, And My covenant of peace will not be shaken…”

Philippians 4:7 “And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. ”

Helen B. McIntosh has a doctorate in counseling psychology and is a national board certified professional counselor and certified in reality therapy. An educator for 19 years, Dr. McIntosh is an author, a highly demanded national speaker and inventor of the Peace Rug®, an international curriculum for conflict resolution.

You can contact me confidentially at DrHelen@braveandresilient.com